Congratulations to the mom's of the birthday kid

By the end of the day I was exhausted and thrilled my daughter had a terrific 10th birthday.

The preparation, the planning, the gathering of decorations, cake, and treats not to mention deciding with Zoe what outfit to wear to her "Hair,Nails, Makeup, and Fashion" party was over and I was simply fatigued.  The last bit was to upload photos to send to my family and friends -- a new dimension to party giving --the after party photos. A few minutes later, Jean and Zoe pop around to my space at the dining room table and said, "Come here, we have a surprise." I could tell she was hiding something behind her back and had her cheshire cat smile back on her face surrounded by her glamour updo she had received at the party. 

"Here maman." she said. "Here Honey." He said there are because you are such a wonderful mother and we thank you for the great job you did to bring Zoe into the world."

Behind her back she slowly brought out a bouquet of  beautiful seasonal autumn flowers.
"I love you." "We love you." Tears rolled down my face as we hugged each other in a circle.
"Thank you." I said, "I needed that." I truly did. I needed a small reminder of why we do what we do.

My sister tells me that the mothers need a special wish as much as the children. I think that is true. We give birth in some way whether it is physical, emotional or both and we give our hearts, time, energy, love, and life to these little things that grow up so beautifully. There is something about being wished a huge thank you on my daughters birthday that makes my heart pound, tears flow, and a big smile be drawn on my face as well.

So next time, say congratulations to the mom and watch the eyes water and glisten with a big thank-you.

Treat yourself to a Free Vacation

Next weekend cancel everything. Make no plans. Be spontaneous. Do what comes naturally. Go with the weather. If it is sunny go to the beach. If it is rainy turn on the fireplace and drink hot chocolate.

This past weekend was one of the most relaxing and also somewhat productive weekends my family has had in along time. The secret, we planned nothing.

We woke up on Saturday, lazed around, read, had coffee, did a bit of gardening, a bit on the computer and had a nice leisurely lunch outside in the sunshine. By 2 pm, my daughter asked if we could go to the Halloween store to buy her a costume. She no longer wanted to be a princess but now that she was 10, she wanted to be a vampirette. Casually we drove on over and found the perfect costume for a decent price. Next door was Borders and all being lovers of books and bookstores, we all agreed "let's go.:  Wandering the aisles and settling down to read a magazine or a book, we had some ice tea and just let the time slide by-- one hour-- two hours-- we had no where to go and no one waiting for us. By 6:30 we decided to head home and make dinner and slide again into a DVD, all cuddled up in bed together. Upon waking up on Sunday morning to a gorgeous crystal clear blue sky, I packed a picnic and we headed out to Stinson Beach for a long walk and a beautiful morning. A latte in hand, a Sunday paper tucked under our arms we drove over the Mountain to the beach. There is nothing like Stinson Beach on a sunny fall morning with a few people walking the two mile strand, dogs snapping at the water, and the water glistening like diamonds.

Halfway back, Zoe decides she needed to build a deep hole. No reason, no purpose, no destination, it just was what she felt like. Jean on all fours digging like a dog found himself immersed in enjoying the dig with her. An hour later we grabbed our picnic, chairs, and blanket and sat down to eat and read the paper. ---and so the day continued.  It just flowed. Zoe wanted to see a friend and we called and picked her up 5 minutes later. (How often does that happen?) A quick play date (which now is evidentally called a date that she is ten). A quick stop at a friend's open house because it felt right, not because we were committed and the home for dinner and hanging out before bed.

Why did it feel so good? Why was it like a vacation? Because it was so different than our usual week routine of schedules, obligations, rushing, and always being on the go. Give yourself a treat and make no plans next weekend. Just do what you feel like and let the weekend feel like a great vacation.

In the Pursuit of Happiness

I have provided the beginning preamble chapter to our book. Take a look and let us know what you think.

Introduction: In Pursuit of Happiness

Growing up as baby boomers, everyone told us to follow the American Dream. This concept was discussed at dinner tables, in the workplace, in schools and churches, in government agencies and in bars.  The American Dream was code for "the perfect life."  The belief was that, with hard work and determination, anyone could prosper and achieve whatever they wanted. There was also a secondary belief that parents should be able to provide more for their children than they themselves ever had.  

Much has changed since 1931 when "The American Dream" was first coined by James Turslow Adams in his book, The Epic of America. Today, the American Dream of devoting your life to your work is no longer a sustainable idea. The cost to one’s family, one’s health, and one’s own well-being simply cannot be maintained for 40-50 years. Even the Declaration of Independence references well-being: “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Continue to read the article

Are you unhappy or have you beaten the odds?

Have you beaten the odds?

Marcus Buckingham, with his new book, Find your Strongest Life,   
reports,

 “In the past four decades, women have secured better job prospects,
greater acknowledgement for achievement, wider influence, more free time,
and higher salaries. And yet, recent studies reveal that women have gradually
become less happy than they were 40 years ago, and less happy than men—and
unlike men, they grow sadder as they get older.”  

Marcus Buckingham, similar to his other books, suggests that if woman focus on their
strengths they are happier. They don't just try to balance life, but devote their energy
towards using their strengths.  An interesting idea to consider, but the notion of the paradox
of high expectations and abundance still aren't answered.

This week, Michael Krazny of KQED/Forum interviewed three experts on the subject of the decline of happiness for women.

Betsy Stevenson, a co-author of Paradox of Women's Declining Happiness talks about a broad
trend over the past 4 decades of women's level of happiness declining. She reported that this research
is supported in every dataset over the past 40 years.

Perhaps women were exaggerating their happiness in the 70s, perhaps new social trends
have made women less happy while making men happier or perhaps it is indeed that our happiness is
not only dependent on our own abilities, but also structures that support women at work and home.

Happiness is also the paradox of choice. Women have numerous choices now, expectations of what
their life should be like and yet maybe the reality of inflated expectations measured against all areas in
our lives is at the core.

Like no other time in history, women are caught in this paradox of high expectations and abundance in
all areas of life. If we expect it and we don't get it, we are disappointed. If we don't expect it we will never be able to create it.  

Christine Carter author of "Raising Happiness," points out that everyone today, but women
especially are wrestling with how to allocate time across their life. The big change, she reports, is that
woman are confronting this on a daily basis. Time itself has a huge impact on happiness; how you spend it, what you do with it, if you enjoy it, and if it reinforces abundance in your life.

Let me know what makes you most happy and if you are one of the lucky women who beat the odds.

One Week at Home Alone

This week was the first time in 10 years that Jean and I have been alone in our house without our daughter. She was lucky enough to go to San Diego Sea Camp with her school for a week, which left us sans enfant.

As a couple who didn't have a child until after 17 years of marriage we were a little surprised at how easy we fell into a routine of enjoying the peace and quiet at home and not having to be responsible for a child. To be bluntly honest, it was really nice.. for the week.  (I'm not sure what that says about us!)

We missed her dearly, especially at night, but we loved

.... getting up in the morning and going  for a walk before the day started

.....not to drive 4 times a day to and fro school.

.....not to drive each afternoon to another activity

.....not be interrupted with the flow of work to leave at 3pm

.....not to have to spend 1-2 hours a night doing homework

.....not to have to cook a meal if we didn't want to

.....not to have to worry about the school lunch was a treat

.....To talk to Jean every evening for an hour or two uninterruppted was a double treat

....To sneak in not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 "PG-13 or R rated" movies between Sunday and Friday was  a   miracle

We have had our fill and like her (we hope) are ready to snuggle up again, forgo the movies, the spontaneity, the adult conversation, and be a family together under the same roof again!