Getting Swept Up or Staying the Course

Getting Swept Up in the Tide

I remember hearing a young girl in France tell me, “Je me’repose.” “I’m reposing myself.”

Wow, I thought to have such sensibility at such a young age.

Living in Marin again I can’t imagine many children saying, they want to repose themselves instead of attending a birthday party or doing another activity. As for the adults it is almost as difficult. There is no doubt that the opportunities to do something every hour of the day, every day of the week are to be found in the big city--- and that is what we also love about it. But, we are trying to stay the course and not get swept up in "the more paradigm" and having to do everything.

The push hapened the other day when we had to make a decision to add (or not to add) one more activity to Zoe-Pascale’s already busy schedule.

We had been invited to join an acting class that was tied to possible talent agents. This alone was flattering and exciting and the sale person was superb!

After deliberating for two days, discussing it as a family, and weighing the pros and cons, we all agreed it would be best for the family and for Zoe-Pascale to decline. The challenge in making the decision was that we wondered, "Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity? Will she ever get the chance again?"

We finally decided, no, we would pass.

The upside is that we keep our sacred time together without more obligations. We can do what we like on Sunday; play, sleep, read, hike, swim. We aren’t scheduled and we aren’t over booked. Zoe-Pascale lives more balanced with time for homework, reading, ballet, and another theater class. On the other hand (my tiny voice says), Is she missing an opportunity? Will she not be famous one day as a result? Will someone else get discovered?

I ran into another mom, whose daughter had also been invited. They decided to go forth and enroll in the Sunday class for six months. For a moment, my heart stopped beating and I could feel myself questioning myself, “Did we make the right decision?” I could envision her daughter becoming the next Hannah Montana and was turning red with envy. And then I took a deep breath. No, we made the right decision. It is so easy to get swept up and flattered and keep on doing more. The result would be the same as always; stress, more expenses, little family time, and no time to repose ourselves.

Living in a big city or urban area offers fantastic opportunities. Opportunities to do more than are possible. The questions I keep asking myself are;

“If money were no object, would we have said yes? If our decision was only about how we use our time, how would the choice be different?”

This will not be the last time we grapple with these questions, especially with a 9 year old daughter and we might not always make the best choice for everyone. Overall, however, our ultimate choices come down to how we use our time. For now, we choose to cuddle in bed on Sunday morning and have a spontaneous, free day -- now if Hannah Montana came calling, maybe we would do it differently.

Five easy ways to have no Life

Oprah, HBR, and a few experts from the Center for Work-life policy have written lately about the trend towards some professionals who believe in all work and no life. (I have no idea who they are, how old they are or what they are thinking). Granted, if you have no relationships, no other interests but work, no regard for your short and long term health, and no awareness of who you are as a total person this might work, but really "Get a Life." The articles and studies , they say, are just reporting a recent trend that is happening in the workplace.  Is this true or is it a way for those of us who have decided living a full life is more important (or at least equally important) to working 24 hours a day to feel guilty. Guilty we are not giving 24/7 to a job and a company that might pull the rug out from under us at any moment. Guilty for not wanting a bit of fresh air and sunshine to provide us with the Vitamin D we need not to mention the value of exercise, being in nature, and connecting with family and friends. The study reports that 21% are high earners. I ask, if you aren't a high earner, why are you sacrificing the other parts of your life for - a carrot that might not ever be caught?

So, if you want to have all work and no life, the studies of extreme jobs as reported by Sara Resitad-Long of Oprah's magazine, (yes, I think the magazine is great) states that you must have 5 out of 10 of the following criteria.

1. unpredictable flow of work
2. inordinate scope of responsibility
3. tight deadlines
4. work-related events outside of regular hours
5. availablity 24/7
6. accountability for profit/loss
7. recruiting/mentoring
8. heavy travel
9. large # of direct reports
10. At the workplace at least 10 hours a day

If you want to be an all work and no life kind of person at least do it for yourself. Build a business, make a difference in the world, follow your purpose and who knows maybe you can also have time for a bit of living as well.  Besides even Oprah takes Sundays off to relax and rejuvenate. If she can, so can everyone else.

A Simple Thing to Do

I'm on a roll to find ways to experiment with simplifying our life and saving money. The adventure this month is hair. For years I have had my hair highlighted, weaved, and cut forking out a small fortune over the years. I estimated that I probably spent on just highlighting about $600 per year. Multiple that times the past 20 years and I could have saved $12,000. So, I thought let's experiment.

Recently I have been thinking about going darker, moving towards one color, giving myself a change. What's to loose I thought. It's not a tattoo that's permanent and it can always be reversed. A different look, a different feeling, cheaper than plastic surgery and a new me!

So a few months ago, I did it. I went to the hairdresser the first time and went dark. A nice chestnut with a bit of red tinge. A few people passed me on the street at first and then I was getting compliments. "Looks good," "Makes you look younger" (always like that one) and "Matches your eyes."

Now two months later in the spirit of simplifying and saving money, I decided to do it myself. In all my life I have never done it myself. I asked around for advice, read some web sites, checked out products, and decided to try. What did I have to loose but $10 and I could always go back to the hairdresser.

Searching for the right color I purchased the box of L'Oreal and let it sit on my bathroom counter for a week. Too nervous to open it I just passed it by day after day. Finally looking at my hair in the mirror. It's lackluster color and darker (versus grayer) roots, I said, "Today is the day."

Wrapping an old towel around my shoulders I slipped on the plastic gloves and mixed the color into the squirt bottle. Squirt, Squirt, Squirt.... Twenty -five minutes later I jumped into the shower and saw brown water flow down the shower drain. "Rinse until the water is clear," the directions said.
What had I done? I wondered. What had I done?

Drying my hair I could barely look into the mirror for fear that I would be a redhead, a purple or a person with black hair. Somehow I didn't quite believe the color on the box. As my hair dried and I styled it with my various round brushes, I began to see the shine come through. It was actually pretty nice. Wow, I like it. A few minutes later, flipping my hair from side to side I went into the living room to ask my audience (my husband and daughter) what they thought.

"Not bad." He said. "It's a bit bright, but I like it," she said.

So there you have it. I saved at least $50 (a full color is less expensive than highlights) plus tip and I have to say it doesn't look that much different than what the hairdresser did. On the other hand, I wouldn't chance giving up my haircut, but it feels good to find small ways to simplify and save and have a good hair day all at once!

Nothing like a Puppy to make you smile

Want to smile, laugh, and feel loved get a puppy. Like a baby they are crawling and scooting and beginning to look at us with their big brown eyes. Watching them sleep on top of each other you realize how instinctively they know that cuddling up is the best! Mom is doing well but a bit tired of being sucked all day and attempts to escape from time to time by hiding under the bed or the desk. At the sound of a squeak however she runs back to the crate ready for the next feeding.

        Mom and Dad, Pantoufle and Rocky 

Asking the Right Questions

The difference between asking questions and asking the right questions can make all the difference in your behaviors, actions, commitments and ability to create the life you want. I just finished a book by Debbie Ford, called The Right Questions that reminded me once again of the need to ask ourselves and others the questions that will truly make us think if we are making choices that support the lifestyle we want to live.

Questions have always come natural to me. In fact, when I was 9 years old I was nicknamed, “20 Questions,” because I asked so many questions of everyone. I love questions. I believe they are the lifeblood of the choices we make, the actions we take or don’t take, and ultimately how we live our life. Most of Debbie’s questions make us look inward at how the choices and decisions we are making keep us in the past or moving forward to living a healthy, joyful, meaningful life.

 The challenge most of us have is asking ourselves these important questions when we are making daily decisions and when we are contemplating bigger choices.

Over the years I have had friends, my husband, and professional coaches in different aspects of my life who have asked me these important questions. When Jean (my husband) and I ask these questions of ourselves life flows much more easily for us as individuals, a couple and a family.

At this time my husband and I have put our house on the market and wonder if it is the right time, will we get the price we want, and how long will it take? Whenever we get impatient we ask ourselves, “Will selling the house propel us toward the future we desire or keep us stuck in the past?” Without hesitation we know that it will propel us forward and it will happen in a way that supports us.

As a Professional Coach and Facilitator I find that these types of questions are the backbone of my practice. They propel clients forward, make them think and most importantly change lives.

If you are stuck in some area of your life or just want guidance, find someone who will be that coach (professionally or a friend/family member) and ask you the right questions to move you forward.